Well, I guess that posting here is not going to be a weekly thing! It's been awhile. But it's always nice to pick up a hobby and get back at it again. Since I can't knit, this will have to do. ; )
In church today I asked for prayer for selfishness. I have a feeling that God's way of dealing with it will not be fun. But I am sincerely asking anyway. I do not want to live for myself. Even if it is difficult, I need to face this ugly thing in my life. But I fear that it may be like praying for patience. We all know what happens when we ask God for that! We are given the blessing of many irritants! So what should I expect when I ask for selflessness? I'm not sure??
I know that even without reaching out to others, I already have a tremendous opportunity to learn self-sacrifice. I can learn to love my husband and children with a pure heart. I can learn to put their interests in front of mine. I have to admit that I don't really know how to do that. But God will show me.
I hope that God will bring more people into my life who are giving and sacrificing. People whose eyes are not fixed upon their own wants and needs. It helps so much to have honorable people to look up to. I want to watch their examples and learn from them.
And somehow, I want to get my eyes fixed upon Jesus! He is the very best example of all. I want to see who he is, and know the power of his life of sacrifice. Lord, hear my prayer and make me like yourself. Take this heart of stone and fill it with your love. Then I can get healing in my eyes and learn to see others before I see myself. Thank you, Lord!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
I Will Come Back
It was a long week while my husband was gone. But it was also a good week. A time of growth for me. A time to face some of the fears that have been lurking in my tender heart. A time to learn how to get by without my protector and my beloved nearby. A time to need others. A time to be blessed by the body of Christ.
My heart is overflowing with thankfulness for all of the help we received. Some of the dear ones in our life helped me with the kids, and helped pass the time. One person even took the bus in a snowstorm to come and stay with us. She blessed my heart so much. People brought food and called to see how we were doing. I never would have dreamed of having such support and care a few years ago. But God has a way of providing for us when we reach out in faith and ask. I could say a lot more about that, but I'll save it for another post.
While Ryan was in Haiti, I didn't hear from him very much. Our cell phone did not have service there, and free time for making phone calls and emails was limited. But it was a blessing when he did email. Then he also called a couple of days before he was to return, and he told me "I will come back." Those words stuck with me like the rainbows.
All week long I was doing fine, but by the end of the week I was battling with fear of him never coming home again. My mind would start to recall how my Dad had left on my brother's 8th birthday. He had never come back. Now here I was, five kids and my husband left on our son's 8th birthday. But NO! They were lies! Lies! The truth was that God did not send him to Haiti to take his life. He had sent him there to call him to true life! To woo him closer to Himself. To show him the true riches. To show him what life really is! To break the lies and set him free, so that he could become a mighty warrior for our King. That is the truth. That is what God had planned.
And me? I needed to look fear right in the face and meet it eye to eye. I needed to stare into the dark eyes of abandonment and linger there long enough to let trust begin to grow in my heart. It was a faith building week for me. My husband left. AND HE CAME BACK. He came back better than when he left, and it was good.
Years ago Jesus Christ went up to heaven, leaving his disciples behind. Some day Christ is going to COME BACK. Will he see something better than when he had left? Will we have done greater works than He? As a collective body, will we have touched more than he did as only one "man?"
Oh God! Move our hearts to live in your spirit and touch the ones you have called to be your own. Help us to stop believing the lies and hang unto the promise. YOU can make us better despite all of our fear and doubt. YOU can tear that down! You can build into us a life that we could not imagine. Do it Lord!
My heart is overflowing with thankfulness for all of the help we received. Some of the dear ones in our life helped me with the kids, and helped pass the time. One person even took the bus in a snowstorm to come and stay with us. She blessed my heart so much. People brought food and called to see how we were doing. I never would have dreamed of having such support and care a few years ago. But God has a way of providing for us when we reach out in faith and ask. I could say a lot more about that, but I'll save it for another post.
While Ryan was in Haiti, I didn't hear from him very much. Our cell phone did not have service there, and free time for making phone calls and emails was limited. But it was a blessing when he did email. Then he also called a couple of days before he was to return, and he told me "I will come back." Those words stuck with me like the rainbows.
All week long I was doing fine, but by the end of the week I was battling with fear of him never coming home again. My mind would start to recall how my Dad had left on my brother's 8th birthday. He had never come back. Now here I was, five kids and my husband left on our son's 8th birthday. But NO! They were lies! Lies! The truth was that God did not send him to Haiti to take his life. He had sent him there to call him to true life! To woo him closer to Himself. To show him the true riches. To show him what life really is! To break the lies and set him free, so that he could become a mighty warrior for our King. That is the truth. That is what God had planned.
And me? I needed to look fear right in the face and meet it eye to eye. I needed to stare into the dark eyes of abandonment and linger there long enough to let trust begin to grow in my heart. It was a faith building week for me. My husband left. AND HE CAME BACK. He came back better than when he left, and it was good.
Years ago Jesus Christ went up to heaven, leaving his disciples behind. Some day Christ is going to COME BACK. Will he see something better than when he had left? Will we have done greater works than He? As a collective body, will we have touched more than he did as only one "man?"
Oh God! Move our hearts to live in your spirit and touch the ones you have called to be your own. Help us to stop believing the lies and hang unto the promise. YOU can make us better despite all of our fear and doubt. YOU can tear that down! You can build into us a life that we could not imagine. Do it Lord!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Our walk with God
I was talking with my husband last night after the house was settled and everything was all ready for his trip. I was sharing with him about how he has shaped my life and how he has shaped my relationship with the Lord. I was telling him how thankful I am for all he has done for me. I asked him, "How have I shaped your life? How have I influenced your relationship with God? He said nothing for a little bit, and I thought "oh great, I haven't impacted him at all, lol!"
But after a few moments, (which sometimes feel like a long time to the less patient,) he said that he doesn't really look at it as his spiritual life. It's more like our spiritual life. *Our* walk with God. I was touched. I thought about it and realized that he's right. Something has changed. My life is intimately tied to his. I guess I asked the wrong question. It isn't really his and mine any more. It's ours.
He left for Haiti this morning at 3:30. I feel like part of me is there with him. I wonder what it looks like there. I wonder where he is walking? I don't know, but I know that I am with him in my heart. I pray that God will pour out his spirit upon him and enlarge him. Let his heart be touched for the nations, and his spirit be broken with a compassion he has never known.
But after a few moments, (which sometimes feel like a long time to the less patient,) he said that he doesn't really look at it as his spiritual life. It's more like our spiritual life. *Our* walk with God. I was touched. I thought about it and realized that he's right. Something has changed. My life is intimately tied to his. I guess I asked the wrong question. It isn't really his and mine any more. It's ours.
He left for Haiti this morning at 3:30. I feel like part of me is there with him. I wonder what it looks like there. I wonder where he is walking? I don't know, but I know that I am with him in my heart. I pray that God will pour out his spirit upon him and enlarge him. Let his heart be touched for the nations, and his spirit be broken with a compassion he has never known.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
What if I loved God like that...
Sometimes it scares me how much one person can feel for another. I never thought that I could have such a love for my husband. But as we have grown together, I have started to understand things like trust and faithfulness. He has been a gift to me. I appreciate so many things about him.
He's leaving for Haiti in a couple of days. He is going on a missions trip with our church and will be gone for 8 days. I have spent the last couple of weeks contemplating our relationship and thinking about him being gone. I have had to work through some old issues of abandonment and fear, knowing that he will be leaving our "safe" life and entering into an unstable country. However, the thing that has stood out the most is how much I really love him!
But then another thought comes to me. How much do I love my Lord? Would I cry at the thought of him being gone? Do I cherish him? Do I share an intimate bond with him, a bond that brings tears and smiles to my eyes?
What if I loved God like that?
In anticipation,
Sara
He's leaving for Haiti in a couple of days. He is going on a missions trip with our church and will be gone for 8 days. I have spent the last couple of weeks contemplating our relationship and thinking about him being gone. I have had to work through some old issues of abandonment and fear, knowing that he will be leaving our "safe" life and entering into an unstable country. However, the thing that has stood out the most is how much I really love him!
But then another thought comes to me. How much do I love my Lord? Would I cry at the thought of him being gone? Do I cherish him? Do I share an intimate bond with him, a bond that brings tears and smiles to my eyes?
What if I loved God like that?
In anticipation,
Sara
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Rainbows!
Can you see them? Well, OK, I suppose you may only see one of them. But if you look closely... you might see another one. It's there and I have to tell you about it! The date was July 11, 2008. That was our tenth anniversary. We didn't do anything special, but that day was so special. Let me tell you why.For months we had been talking about going on a trip or doing something "special" for our 10th anniversary. That's what people do, right? We should find a way to do it too. It would be fun! We had never taken a trip alone, and we rarely did things to celebrate our marriage. I was excited! This was going to be so much fun! Well after we found out that we were going to have another baby shortly before our anniversary, that changed things. We decided to postpone those plans. Maybe our 20th anniversary? Sigh. It had sounded fun. But as always, God knows what is truly special. He knows how to touch us in the most meaningful ways.
We ended up staying home. No fancy vacation. No fancy dinner. We walked outside and found rain. Bummer. It's our anniversary and it's been raining. Not really what I had hoped for. But then when we looked up in the sky, we saw the most stunning sight. There was a rainbow! Beautiful and glorious, spreading it's colors like a banner across the sky. I looked over at my husband and noticed that there were not one, but two rainbows in the sky! WOW! Our God is so amazing! A master artist! I love to look at his paintings. They are splendid. So deep, so full of meaning, so beautiful.
I had to take some pictures! I will always treasure these pictures. They tell the story of hope that God has started to reveal to my heart. They are a precious gift. They tell of God's promises to us.
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