Putting down my towel

While listening to a beautiful friend speak about joy on Monday evening, some thoughts stumbled across my mind. She was joking about how many times in life we may want to throw in the towel, but as moms, we soon realize we can't! Ever been there?

We are exhausted, basking in overwhelm, towel in hand, hand in air, ready to give up! And then we see a pair or eyes, or two. Little eyes. Searching. Expecting. Needing. And, no matter how much we want to throw in the towel, deep down we know there is more grace to carry on.

But it doesn't always look pretty like that. Sometimes, as moms, we give in to the voices of anger and pride. Short tempers serge, harsh words fly. What causes this? What are we really believing when this happens? Do we have an underlying lack of hope? Is it possible that we are listening to the voice of defeat which hollers "This will never change!" "Things cannot get better!" "I cannot handle this!" "Life is too much!"

I wonder, what does hope say?

Does hope say that I am not so big. My life is not so important. I do not matter that much. But I do matter a whole lot. I need love, not pride. Mistakes are opportunities to learn. I can try again. There is another way. There is another way. There is another way.

What if I stopped grasping at the little surge of control I feel when I give in to the voice of despair. What if I just let things fall apart? What is the worst that could happen? On those yucky days, things were already broken. Maybe if I let the pieces fall to the floor we could pick them up and play with them! LOL! Play with brokenness. How about that? It would sure be better than despair. And I think my kids would be glad.

Why do I carry the towel around anyway? Does it make me feel better to grasp my phony security blanket of defeat? Do I really think it will make my life better when I have the towel in hand, ready to give up when things get too hard? What if I folded it and put it away, leaving my hands free to praise him?